Thursday, August 7, 2014

Remembering the Day Joe Camel Died

Column for week of July 28, 2014            

     I noticed an article reporting on a New England
legislator's plan to ban all unskimmed milk in day care facilities. 
I passed it by as another squirrelly idea from New England.

     Then I read about a proposed law from a New England
state that would ban serving chocolate milk with student lunches. 
It was time to quarantine New England before another wave of
nanny state laws swept across the land.

     Too late.  The next article reported the virus had already
spread to the heartland.  Fargo North Dakota had adopted an
ordinance banning the serving of more than six ounces a day of
juice in day care facilities.  The nanny state is on another march.

     The rest of this column is an obituary for Joe Camel that
I first published in August 1997.  By the end it should be
apparent why I am reaching into the past.

     Joe Camel enjoyed a brief but tumultuous career in public
relations and annoyance.  Troubled by threat of execution by his
enemies, Joe chose to control his destiny by falling on his own
sword.

     Mr. Camel will no doubt be missed by his friends. 
Supposedly he did have some.  I am not among them.

     It seems only yesterday that I met Joe for the first time. 
His contorted face stared blankly at me from a billboard.  I was
sure he must be a joke --  a very bad joke.  Joe was not blessed
by his creator.  Why would anyone choose an aesthetically
challenged camel as spokesanimal for their product? 

     Perhaps it is not socially correct to speak ill of the
departed.  I will not evade reality or beat around the bush.  Joe
was one ugly camel.  That is to say quite a bit.  When is the last
time you heard anyone say, "Isn't that a beautiful camel?"

     Joe Camel was so ugly that his mother probably double
diapered him -- one to cover his face.  Perhaps it was this lack
of motherly love that pushed young Joe into the wrong crowd.

     If I had been in charge of marketing for Camels, I would
have sought ways to put Joe Camel on the Marlboro package.  I
would have seen this as the next best thing to branding
Marlboros with a giant skull and crossbones.

     Joe Camel on the Marlboro package -- that brings up an
interesting image.  Imagine the Marlboro Man coughing and
wheezing, riding a stumbling Joe Camel into the sunset.  Would
this not have been a fitting end for both careers?

     I was confident that Joe would pass from the scene far
sooner than he did.  I guess I overlooked the obvious.  Why
would anyone attracted to cigarettes be repelled by the world's
ugliest camel?

     Perhaps smoking affects more senses than taste and
smell.  Is it possible that smoking impairs vision?  Maybe it's
that "smoke gets in your eyes" thing.  Is it possible that smokers
actually saw ugly Mr. Camel as beautiful?

     The one inescapable fact is that the passing of Joe Camel
removes a spot of aesthetic blight from the American scene.  I
would have been repelled by Mr. Camel if he had been the
spokesanimal for apple pie or Gideon Bibles.

     Though I won't miss Joe, I take no pleasure in the
circumstances of his demise.  Even an ugly cartoon camel
deserves better than to be hounded to death by self righteous
bureaucrats and do gooders who insist on imposing their lifestyle
on everyone else.

     When the lifestyle vigilantes came for Joe, masses
cheered.  Will those same millions cheer when the vigilantes
come for Mayor McCheese, the Pillsbury Dough Boy, the
Budweiser frogs, and Big Boy?  The death of ugly Joe Camel
was one more nail in freedom's coffin.  How long will it be
before we all remember with regret the day Joe Camel died?

aldmccallum@gmail.com
                                 * * * * *
                                  * * * *
                                   * * *
                                    * *
                                     *
Copyright 1997 and 2014
Albert D. McCallum

No comments:

Post a Comment