Thursday, May 21, 2015

It Bugs Me

Column for week of May 18, 2015

     The best our esteemed legislators could do for fixing the
roads was to offer a plan so gruesome that four out of five
voters rejected it.  This was a historic smack down.  No other
proposed amendment to the present Michigan constitution was
so thoroughly drubbed.  Until now I suspected that it might be
impossible for the legislators to come up with something that
voters would so soundly reject.

     Now that the sales tax increase and all of its baggage
are road kill in the rear view mirror the legislators can get on
with important matters.  One of those pending matters is a bill
to designate an official state insect.  The current nominee is the
ladybug.

     There are supposedly over 5,000 types of ladybugs.  I
don't know if there are as many types of gentlemen bugs.  Do I
see a hint of gender discrimination?  The proposed law doesn't
specify which of the ladybugs is to be honored.  Perhaps each
will get a turn.  We could have a different state insect each day
for more than 13 years.  I'm so excited I can barely type. That
is no big deal.  I can barely type when I'm not excited.

     Perhaps we should limit the honor to ladybugs that live
in Michigan.  Naturally this will require appointment of a
subcommittee to study and identify the ladybugs living in
Michigan.  This could take years.  Don't even ask what it will
cost.

     The bigger question is, How much longer can we
survive without an official state insect?  The legislators have
been fumbling the ball on this one for longer than they have
been tripping over pot holes.

     Speaking of potholes, Why not have the legislators take
time off from choosing bugs and go fill some pot holes?  For
what we are paying them, we ought to get a bit of useful work
out of them.

     In recent years four bills have been offered to designate
the monarch butterfly as the official state insect.  What chance
do ladybugs have in a contest where the mighty and colorful
monarch failed four times?  Is it possible that there are
unenlightened heathens who don't recognize our dire need for
an official state insect?

     The nomination of the green darner dragonfly also
failed to gain ratification as the official state bug.  It appears to
be more difficult to get an official state bug confirmed in
Michigan than to get a Supreme Court justice confirmed in D.
C.

     Is it possible that the legislature will choose the brown
Japanese ladybugs?  They are the ones that congregate on the
south side of my house every October and then attempt to
sneak inside for the winter?  Even I might be ever so slightly
offended if they chose those pests.  Besides, wouldn't it be
unpatriotic to designate a recently arrived foreigner as the
official state bug?  At least it wouldn't be quite as bad as
choosing the Japanese betels that eat my raspberries.

     The last time I checked Michigan had an official state
bird.  I believe that at the time someone was campaigning to
replace it.  I don't know who won.  What would happen if the
official state bird ate the official state insect?  Perhaps the
result could be designated the official state indigestion.

     Other matters the legislators have pondered include
designation of an official state poem and official state cookie. 
How about considering a return to a part time legislature?  A
legislature that has time to worry about an official state insect
and state cookie has far too much time on its hands.

aldmccallum@gmail.com
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Copyright 2015
Albert D. McCallum

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