I'm Sick of Healthy Mice

    In recent years I have noticed a trend that lies somewhere
in the realm between aggravating and annoying.  Every article
about a "medical break through" leads off  promising something
that sounds too good to be true.  The promises range from pills
that cure cancer to a silver bullet to drop Alzheimers in its
tracks.

     I have never been impressed by the headlines.  After all,
if it sounds too good to be true, it probably is.

     Over time I have developed the ability to predict most of
what the articles will say.  That can save reading time. 
Invariably the magic cure is based on discovery of a gene or
substance in mice.

     The researchers discovered a way to cure cancer in mice
or give them memories that would embarrass an elephant.  I
never considered forgetful mice with cancer to be among the
worlds ten greatest problems.

     At some point the reporter admits that the magic cure
only works for mice.  The admissions usually continue.  The
cure usually only helps mice a little bit.  Next is likely to be the
researchers claim that the discovery holds great promise for
humans.

     Then comes the admission that no one knows if, how, or
when the cure may reach the human race.  Some speculate that
trials on humans may be only years down the road.  Others
won't even hazard a guess about when, if ever, the cure will be
available for people.

     Usually I find the suggestion from the researchers that
lots, and lots of money will be needed to journey down the trail
and find the cure at the end of the rainbow.  Instead of using
bait to catch mice, Are they using mice for bait to catch money?

     Where is all of this leading?  Will the world someday
have 200 years old, cancer free mice?  Will mice be able to
regal cats with every detail of the mice's battles with the cat's
great, great, great, etc. grandfathers?  Will those mice also have
perfect teeth and be fit and trim?

     Why are we investing all of this effort in building a
better mouse?  Has everyone forgotten that if we build a better
mouse trap, nature will breed a better mouse?  Nature usually
works for lower fees than do research scientists.

     I can imagine other possible results.  Will most of the
mega millions for research end up down holes dug by the mice's
larger rodent cousins?

     I suppose the sensational headlines and lead paragraphs
are designed to catch readers.  The mice are bait to catch people. 
How long will this trick work?  For some time now I have
greeted such headlines with a somewhat less than enthusiastic
"Ya, sure."

     When I do occasionally read the article, I usually find
that my enthusiasm was still more than warranted.  How long
before such overstated headlines completely cease to attract.  
Don't worry.  Headline writers will come up with a new wrinkle.

     Perhaps the research is worthwhile.  When you don't
know where you are going, you may have to try many wrong
roads before you find one that doesn't lead down a mouse hole.

     Is it too much to ask for an end to the inflated and bogus
claims about minor accomplishments that may or may not lead
to something worthwhile, even if not miraculous?  It probably is. 
For the record, I am sick of hearing about healthy mice.

     How about even one article where the research made the
mice so sick they couldn't even remember that they were sick? 
Better yet.  An article about mice that after the research couldn't
even remember that they were mice?

     This column may be a bit short.  Last year was one of
those hard years.  It required 53 columns rather than the usual
52.  I'm tired.

aldmccallum@gmail.com
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Copyright 2012
Albert D. McCallum
18440 29-1/2 Mile Road
Springport, Michigan 49284